Scene 1
The stage is a bedroom of a young man. In stage right is a 4' folding table, facing diagonally stage right front. On it sits a phone, a laptop computer, and lots of clutter. Center stage there is a bed with sheets askew, mattresses sitting on a frame with open side towards audience. Stage left there are cardboard boxes, sloppily stacked.
Lights up.
SEAN enters stage left to right, carrying backpack. He tosses backpack on bed, and sits down at desk.
SEAN
(starts typing on computer)
Sean's blog, November 10th. Well, as my first entry, I'm not sure what I should write. I guess I could write about everything and nothing. My English prof says that writing whatever comes into your head helps you to come up with ideas and helps you relax. I'm not sure about all that.
Stops typing and addresses the audience as his blog's audience.
Anyway, I'm turning 20 this year. Woo-hoo! Passing up the two-decade mark! It's about time! I just wish I wasn't still living with my parents. Boy, with them out of a job, they're home all the time. That wouldn't have bugged me that much a few years ago. In fact, I probably would have liked it. But Dad's been out of a job for almost two years now, and he's really getting on my nerves! AAHHH! Hopefully this possibility in Illinois goes through. Lord knows how many disappointments we've gone through already.
(pauses typing; looks off-stage left)
Okay Dad, I'll go to sleep soon…Don't worry about me, I'll be fine… I'm writing in my new blog…No…Because I want to have this one thing to myself, that's why!...Yeah, goodnight Dad. You too.
(turns back to audience)
That was my dad. He's okay, in fact he's great, but he bugs the heck out of me sometimes. Where was I? Oh, never mind. On a happier note, I think I'm actually liking school now. Not liking the commute, but thank God I have someone to carpool with now. It's only for three days a week, but it's a heck of a lot better than driving on those days. Thankfully, no classes tomorrow. I can finally get some sleep! Seriously, I've gotten like nine hours of sleep in the last four days. Ugh. Oooo! On Wednesday, I helped out in AWANA after orchestra rehearsal, and I LOVED it! Oh, for those of you who don't know, AWANA is a church activity for kids where they can learn more about God and just have fun. Anyway, it really reminded me of how much I want kids someday.
(returns to desk and resumes typing)
Well, I better sign off before I go into "Sean-land." Peace.
BLACKOUT
End Scene 1
Scene 2
Same bedroom set, with different arrangement of clutter.
LIGHTS UP
SEAN
(Entering from stage left, clearly stressed. Takes laptop and sits on bed and types)
December 7th. Dad's going to Illinois to interview for a job next week. It looks like it might work. This is the farthest in the process he's gotten so far, so it might be promising. Of course, if they move, I'll probably have to move too.
(as before, stops typing and begins talking to the audience)
I know I should be excited about the prospect: starting out with a clean slate, making a new life for myself. But it doesn't feel like I thought it would. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I'm finally starting to think of this place as home. I'm helping out in the church, and there's this girl. Her name's Julie.
We've gotten to know each other a lot over the past months, and I think I'm falling in love with her. I know what you're thinking. "I'm too young to understand love." Well, I'm not so sure about that. Have you ever got that feeling about someone? That feeling that you just want to take her up in your arms and hold her when she cries, and make all her worries fade away while lending her strength through your embrace? Well, I experienced that this week.
She's been going through a really hard time lately. Sunday, after church, I noticed something was really bothering her. She looked like she was about to break down. I just sat next to her and put my arm around her and held her while she cried, every sob like a knife being thrust into the deepest part of my soul. I would have given anything to ease her pain. It was at that moment I realized I was falling in love. But I know I shouldn't.
Julie has a boyfriend. Just thinking of falling in love with her, I feel like I'm betraying her somehow. I know she's happy in the relationship. I hear the way she talks about him, and I've seen them together. I've seen her smile when she looks at him. I would never break up that happiness, even if it causes me pain. But sometimes when she talks about him, her eyes betray a semi-distant look. Maybe I'm just imagining things.
(returns to bed and resumes typing as before)
Well, I really should get going. Class comes early in the morning, especially with the commute to deal with.
Peace.
BLACKOUT
End Scene 2
Scene 3
Same set, different clutter configuration
LIGHTS UP
SEAN is sitting at his desk, seemingly deep in thought. After a few seconds of typing, he rises from the desk.
SEAN
January 24th.
So, I've been working on some of my poetry. You wanna' read some of it? I could always use some feedback. Who am I kidding? Nobody's actually reading this thing. Oh well. Here goes.
The evening wanes, the sun will set.
The moon will rise and spread its net
O'er all the earth and all the sea.
Then I will say good-night to thee.
For things must end, that is the way.
And though I wish that you could stay,
I know that fate will have its plan,
And I am but a simple man.
But where you go, remember me.
Because I am in love with thee.
The strangest thing is, I wrote that with Julie on my mind the whole time. Tonight, I had the most wonderful time with her and the kids at AWANA. Before it started though, we went to McDonald's together and had a couple of happy meals. We just talked and had a good time. We talked about serious stuff and silly stuff. It was a really nice time to just relax around each other and hang out. Actually, the Happy Meal thing has been going on for a few weeks now, and it's really been the highlight of every week. Then, at AWANA, the kids were really crawling all over me! Literally! During game time I had to sit out on the sidelines because I screwed up my leg earlier today, and I swear, everyone in my group was jumping all over me! Not that I minded it, I love kids. But then, when about 4 kids had tackled me, Julie started to tickle me! The cheater!
(sobering)
Well, my parents' interview in Illinois went really well, and it looks like Dad will get the job. I don't want to go. I can't bear the thought of leaving my friends. Whenever I think about leaving Julie, I could just about die. Before I met her, I felt so unwanted and numb to everything around me. But she's the one who brought me out of it, and my love for her just keeps growing and growing. I don't know how long I can hide my true feelings from her.
BLACKOUT
End Scene 3
Scene 4
Bedroom scene. SEAN is sitting at his desk, typing away.
LIGHTS UP
SEAN
February 28th.
This week has been both the week of heaven and of hell. Since I last wrote on this thing, my dad has gotten the job, and we're moving. Actually, we're leaving town tomorrow morning. Piece by piece, my heart is breaking. I'm leaving the woman I love, and it's killing me. That's part of the hell. But this week has also seen some heavenly aspects.
Last Sunday at church, I finally told Julie how I felt. The moment I told her that I loved her, she did something I did not expect in a million years. Her eyes welled up and she just put her arms around me and said "I know. I love you too." Needless to say I was a bit surprised. But what she said next would surprise me even more. She told me that she had been falling in love with me over the past few months, only she had tried to hide her feelings because of her boyfriend. At that moment, it felt as if a burden was lifted from my shoulders.
Over the past week, all tensions between us have been nonexistent. Both finally liberated, we're finally able to do simple things like holding hands without feeling like we're betraying the other. But behind everything has been the realization that I'm leaving. It's kind of created a certain urgency behind everything. I've taken every opportunity to tell her I love her. But a couple times this week, the grief about losing one another almost crippled us both.
Tonight was the worst. It was our last night together. We were at AWANA, and it was made extra worse by having to say goodbye to all the children in my group. Those children have a special place in my heart, and it hurt to have to say goodbye to them too. After AWANA ended, Julie and I went up to the baseball field and just sat and held each other until it was time to go. When that moment came, we stood up and hugged one last time. It seemed like it lasted an eternity, and I wish it had. When we both let go, I promised I would come back. I intend to keep that promise.
Tomorrow, I move into a new life. But I swear, she will be part of it, and soon.
(closes laptop, climbs into bed)
BLACKOUT
End Scene 4
Scene 5
It is now a hotel room, bed is in center stage in different configuration and sheets, night-stand is beside bed with an alarm clock, a phone, and a pocketknife.
LIGHTS UP
SEAN is sitting up in bed, finishing up a conversation on the phone.
SEAN
I love you. Goodnight. (Places phone back on receiver takes out laptop and begins typing. During this and the next scene, SEAN spends more time focused on his typing than the audience.)
March 6th, Day 6 of the move.
I feel like half of me is still back in that small town. Every time I hear her voice, I can't help feeling like I'm failing her, like I'm a worse person for leaving her. The pain inside is getting worse by the day. But I have found somewhat of a release. Although my arms now bear the scars of that release, (rubs his wrists) I can't find any other way to deal with it.
(SEAN pulls his sleeves up so he can type better, and there are multiple scars visible on both his arms. Some of them are fresh.)
The strangest thing is, this actually does help.
(Takes knife from nightstand, then begins to cut his arm) When the pain comes and the blood flows, the inner pain that I feel is matched by the outer, physical pain. It feels like it restores some kind of bodily balance. Somehow, while destructive, it feels natural. Nobody knows I've been doing this. It's been going on since I first learned that we really were moving. Now, I can't stop, even if I wanted to. It's addicting.
(Puts knife back on nightstand) On another note, I talk to Julie every day of the trip, and that kind of helps. It's just nice to hear her voice, even if I feel like I'm failing her. But every time I talk to her, it feels like she's holding something back. I think something's going on that she doesn't want to tell me about. I hope the distance doesn't tear us apart like so many long-distance relationships can be torn apart.
In the future, I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens, and hope for the best. But for now, coping in my own way will have to do.
(closes laptop and puts it on nightstand)
BLACKOUT
End Scene 5
Scene 6
New bedroom scene. Bed is in right center stage, dresser is opposite, 4' folding table with phone and laptop is sitting stage left, facing the audience.
LIGHTS UP
SEAN enters from stage left. His appearance is somewhat disheveled, his hair messy, with some stubble on his face. He enters and sits at the table and opens the laptop and starts typing.
SEAN
April 11th.
Julie stopped calling a couple weeks after I got here. It's now been three weeks since I've heard anything from her. I sent her an email, but I have no way of knowing if she's read it, or even received it. I have left many messages on her phone, but she hasn't returned any of my calls yet. I'm beginning to think that something's gone wrong. Has something happened? Is she hurt? Is there anything I can do? Questions like these plague my mind, and I'm having a hard time dealing with them. Worry keeps on filling my mind. There's also something I don't want to think about: What if she's avoiding me?
(Rises from the desk and starts pacing)
What if I did something wrong? What if I messed something up really bad and she doesn't want anything to do with me? I can't imagine life without her in it.
I've got to stop thinking about things like that. Of course she isn't avoiding me. She wouldn't do something like that. I know her that well, at least.
(sits back down)
Well, at least it's only been three weeks. It's not like it's been months or something. I'll just assume she's okay and has just been really busy lately.
BLACKOUT
End Scene 6
Scene 7
Same bedroom scene with subtle changes, mostly in set dressing. More clutter in the "bedroom." There is a rain sound in the background. SEAN is laying in bed, tossing and turning.
BEGIN RAIN EFFECT
LIGHTS UP
SEAN
SEAN is tossing and turning in bed. After about 30 seconds or so, he gets up and sits at the desk and opens the laptop and begins to type.
May 20th.
Well, this rain is certainly keeping me up. Maybe it's not just the rain. Sitting here, I can't help but think of how I used to do this for fun. You know, go out to a coffee shop and just write stuff. Now it seems more like an obligation; more like a chore. I've lost my inspiration.
It's now been about two months since I've heard from Julie. I've almost given up hope of hearing from her again. I'm not sure what happened, or why she just stopped talking to me. I wish I knew.
I feel so empty, like there's a part of me that is forever gone. That part of me gave me strength, drive, and the ability to love. Now I feel so numb, so void of purpose. I don't know if I can feel anything anymore. Even the knife in my arm offers no sensation anymore. It's like an old lover who no longer satisfies.
It's interesting; feelings of death and despair continue to flood my mind as these words form on the screen. I keep on getting the feeling that I am going to die soon. I can't put my finger on it, but it's like death is a predator that is right on my doorstep, and I can sense it. I just have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something's going to happen, and I'll be gone. Maybe I'm just being morbid, but I can't escape this feeling.
(SEAN finishes and closes his laptop, then goes back to bed.)
BLACKOUT
END RAIN EFFECT
End Scene 7
Scene 8
Bedroom scene again. There are two cups on the folding table. When lights come up, SEAN is seen making his bed. His room is clean and tidy.
SEAN
SEAN is making his bed meticulously. After making sure everything is in order, he sits down at his computer once again and begins to type.
June 2nd,
Hello, all my readers out there, if there is in fact anyone who reads this. This will be my last blog, and I wanted to explain why I'm doing this. I have felt this was something that needed to happen for a while now. I have ceased to be of any use to anyone, so I believe this is the time.
Do not worry about me, I have found peace in this decision, and I hope you will find peace in it as well. Farewell, my fellow bloggers.
I would like to say one thing. Tell Julie I still love her more than anything.
(SEAN seems unsatisfied with this, so after a moment of fiddling with the computer, he continues.)
Sean's personal blog, June 2nd,
I must admit, the whole magnitude of this decision feels a lot different that I thought it would. I thought I would be fighting this, but I'm not. Before, I was actually looking forward to possibly being a husband and a father. But now it all seems so fleeting, like a distant dream. And strangely, that's okay with me. I know that Julie has most likely given up on me, or doesn't want anything to do with me. The pain that is in my heart is screaming for a release, and now I will finally give it its final relief.
Much of this has to do with Julie and her rejection of me. She was my other half, my sunshine, my life-giver. To say that I simply love Julie would be doing a disservice to her. I love her more than any one word could describe; more than any one language could. I will truly miss her, and I hope her life turns out to be fuller than mine, and immensely happy. Goodbye, my love.
(SEAN finishes up and closes his computer. He then takes one cup and pours the contents of it into his hand. It is a handful of pills. He then takes the other cup in his other hand. He puts the pills in his mouth and takes the other cup and washes them down. Then he slowly walks over to the bed and lies down on top of it, arms crossed over his chest. His breathing slows and his eyes slowly close. NOTE TO ACTOR: you may be required to breathe very shallow or hold your breath for this effect to work.)
DIM STAGE LIGHTS TO 30%
After a few seconds of inactivity, the phone on the table begins to ring.
TIGHT SPOTLIGHT ON PHONE
After four rings, the message machine takes over. A female voice is heard from the machine.
JULIE
Sean! Oh, I'm so glad I finally got a hold of your number! A few months ago, my mom's place was robbed and he took the computer and my cell phone, and I lost your number you gave me. The guy started making a whole bunch of international calls, so we had to cancel the service on the phone. I hope you're not mad. I've been trying to get a hold of you since then, but I couldn't get your number until your sister called me up to see how I was doing. Evidently, my mom gave her my new number.
Anyway, I hope you still want to be together. Because right after you moved, I broke up with my boyfriend. And for these past months I've been working full-time two jobs so I could afford to move up there. I wanted to surprise you! I'm coming up next week! I want us to be together too. Well, I'll see you soon! I love you sweetheart. Bye!
BLACKOUT
End Scene 8
(©2008 Christopher Greene)
